When I was a kid, I felt lucky because I didn’t have to count from the current year to know how old I was. Perks of being born in the ’00s, I would easily look at the current year to see how long I’ve lived in this earth. I’ve always looked forward to 2022 back then, just because I like how 22 spelled backwards is also 22. It’s a weird reason but hey, no one knows what’s going on in a child’s brain right?
I don’t know why I want to write about being 22, since I’ve been 22 from months ago and my 23 is still months away. But I never felt like twenty-two is a special age (besides the palindrome number) until Taylor Swift released that catchy song. Then it’s 2022, and I became twenty-two myself, and realized it’s quite a transitional age (at least for me), it’s the age of in-betweens. I’m no longer as reckless as 21, but not yet as mature as 23 (not that I think people in their 23 are already mature enough, but at least I feel like after I hit the number 23, I’ll be more mature than 22). Though I felt like nothing changed as much in 22, I still feel like the same person as 21 but just with more unfortunate (and few fortunate) life stories. I mean my transition from 20 to 21 is quite monumental and I’ve achieved many life milestones during that, but the change from 21 to 22 is quite boring.
Talking about the age of in-betweens, I felt like I was expected to have my life all figured out in 22 (I mean.. most of us in this age have no idea what we were doing right?). People expected us to be adults, especially in the professional settings, but again, I still have no idea what am I doing! There’s still so many things I don’t know about! I think it’s quite paradoxical when people expected me to have my life all figured out, yet they also said twenties is the time to explore and live your life. But hey, it’s the age of in-betweens, I am still trying to live on the both sides of the expectations.
But Taylor Swift was right though, I’m happy, free, confused and lonely at the same time at twenty-two. It’s the age when my insecurities are peaking, but I realized maybe it’s part of my “becoming” process, so I’m learning to make a deal out of it. This age is confusing, I refuse to think that I have a chronic existential crisis in my 22, so maybe I’m just in my confused phase. Plus it’s quite lonely learning how to navigate life in this phase.
Everything is so confusing in these in-betweens; confusing career path, confusing relationships, confusing life choices. I don’t know if this is what most people felt in their 22 but at least that’s what I feel. In the months after I turned 22, I have been trying to figure myself out, and trying to figure my life out too. But my process of exploration haven’t come into light until now. I always weirdly feel like my time is running out but come on, I’m still 22! I still have years to come to figure it all out (hopefully).
Here I am laying on my bed, thinking about how the rest of my 22 (and the rest of my twenties) is going to play out. I don’t know what’s going to happen in my life before I hit 23, but I promised myself to cherish it regardless. But well, there’s still so many things I haven’t tried, and there’s still so many adventures I haven’t gone through. So there’s no point of thinking I’m running out of time, because I’m still 22. I will embrace my confusing in-between phase.
