Growing up, I’ve never felt enough about myself — for me and for anyone else. I’ve always felt like I lacked something in myself; not good enough, not pretty enough, not smart enough. Everything I did was simply not enough. With that way of thinking, I told myself that I was unworthy of the good things happening in my life.
But I never knew one day that someone would told me that I am too much — I am too much to handle, what I feel is too intense, my emotions are too overwhelming. I never knew one day that someone would told me that what I asked are too much — too demanding, too complicated, asked too many.
How can I be not enough and too much at the same time?
Can’t I be ‘just right’ for once?
For a long time I believed that I was a burden, with my ‘too much’ self. I tried shrinking myself for the sake of being just right, for the sake of being lovable. Tried too hard not to ask too much, tried too hard not to take up too much space.
That didn’t work out for me. Maybe being ‘just right’ isn’t right for me.
And here I am — with my too tender heart, too sensitive feelings, too intense emotions — embracing my ‘too much’ self. I love too hard, I care too much, I ask too much, I demand too many, I feel too intense, and I take up too much space. But I should never feel too sorry.
I should not feel sorry at all.
Those who think that I am too much, those who made me feel that I am too much — maybe, just maybe, it’s them that’s not enough for me.
