I.
i will stop blaming myself for loving so hard, for giving you my love. i wasn’t named after love for no reason. i wasn’t born on the month of love for no reason. i was created to love. i wasn’t wasting my love for nothing. i did all that out of love. i still have so much love to give. i’m not weak because i choose to love. i will not apologize for the way i love. i love love, and i hope it will never change.
II.
i’m scared of turning cold
i’ve poured all of my warmth to the wrong places
i’ve been holding on to my last drip of warmth
i’m scared my warmth will run out and i was left with cold breeze
i’m scared i will get used to the cold breeze in the midnights
i’m scared i will stuck in the midnights forever
i’m scared of turning cold like you
III.
i’ll tend the wounds you caused into something beautiful. i’ll tend the wounds for it’ll bloom into a garden of roses. garden of roses so pretty you couldn’t resist to pick the roses for yourself. you pick the roses for yourself but all you got was bloody thorns. and it caused you wounds too.
(i don’t want to wish bad things upon you but i wish for at least once you get to feel the wounds too)
IV.
do you believe in second chances? i do.
i gave it many times to many people, but right now i’m giving it to myself.
i’m giving myself the second chance — to give myself the forgiveness i should’ve got from the first place. to give myself the trust that i never gave. to give myself the protection that i needed but never got.
in this second chance, i’m making amends with my heart, nurturing its tenderness.
V.
i hope you don’t lose your hope. i hope you can fill your void. i hope you can win against your demons. i hope the bad days will strengthen you. i hope the ache you feel will go away. i hope you feel enough. i hope the shadow will stop following you and let the lights shine to you. i hope you’ll stop burning yourself to be the warmth for others. i hope you get the letters, flowers, postcards you’ve always wanted. i hope you can be happy.
VI.
for: you,
i’m sorry if i blame too many things upon you. i’m sorry i have so many thoughts that sometimes it’s too loud for you. i’m sorry my thorns always find a way to get bloods on your hand. i’m sorry for being everything that you always described me for. i’m sorry for being delicate, that i could get ripped so easily. i’m sorry for handling things so badly, i’m still learning a lot of things.
i’m sorry for saying a lot of things.
