I used to be confused when someone said they’ve lost themselves, because how could you be a stranger with your own self?
Yet here I am, feeling very lost and almost don’t recognize who I am now. It’s like I’m living a different life and body, when I look myself in the mirror what I see is a complete stranger. I’ve lost sight and sense of my old self, unable to touch her anymore, let alone to be her again.
She was so shattered and ripped that I couldn’t even put herself in one piece anymore. Pieces of her are so scattered all over the place and no matter how hard I tried to put them all together, there are pieces of her that’s missing like an incomplete puzzle piece. The puzzle pieces that got lost in her battles, and some pieces were taken by others and didn’t get returned back to her. So instead, I invented this new version of her.
This new her is like a rainstorm-version of her, more dark, more chaotic, the kind that showered you with all her sadness and pain. Everyone stays away from a rainstorm, to find a shelter that protected them from it; and that’s what everyone around her do now, protecting themselves by pulling away from her because she’s too much of a burden with all her sadness.
But where’s her shelter? How is she supposed to protect herself from her own rainstorm? Will I ever be able to tame this rainstorm?
Have I outgrown my old self? Or have I shed my old skin and have come to a new sense of self?
I don’t really know the answer.
What I know now is I’m lost, and currently navigating my way to recognize who I am again.
